Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Too Busy to Live



There's no doubt about it: I'm a busy bitch. This is mostly due to my line of work...retail is a bitch, especially when you're in management. It seems like my work ethic is different than most people that I know because I find myself busting my ass and being completely exhausted from just a typical day at work. I need a change.

I've missed out on opportunities to hang with friends, enjoying quality time with myself, and just downright living because I'm either working or being too tired to do anything else when I'm not working. Not to also mention that if I'm not tired, nothing in this damn city stays open past 9pm except for clubs. Either way, something has to change.

2010 has been about work, work, work for me. I hope that there will be a little time for play in 2011. I don't expect the work load to get any lighter. In fact, I'm hoping that I would have more "work" opportunities in my day job as well as other projects. However, I do plan on working out my work-life balance. "Sharpening the Saw," if you will. I want to see my friends more, old and new. I want to have a life...and not be "too busy" to live. As busy as I am, I think I may have met my match...but that's another story. For my situation, it's going to take a lot of effort on my part, and a lot of understanding on my friends' part, but I'm ready.

After all....I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

AIDS Is No Laughing Matter

December 1, 2010 marks the 22nd annual World AIDS Day and I wonder when we will finally get to a point where we no longer have to commemorate this day?



This is a day to remember those that have died from AIDS, honor those that are living with AIDS, and be there for those who love or have loved someone affected by this disease. But as I look around, it seems as though HIV and AIDS are more the butt of a joke than anything else. There isn't a day that I look at my Twitter timeline and someone has made an AIDS joke about some celebrity, or anyone who looks or acts a little differently, or who happens to cough a little to loudly. Now don't get me wrong - I am just a guilty as most because God knows I'm more offensive than anyone else I know. But it still makes we wonder...do these people really know about it? Do they have any knowledge about the subject? AIDS is really not a laughing matter.

For those out there that think that it can't happen to you...that you'll never get HIV - THINK AGAIN. I have come across many people who are living with HIV. I know many people personally who are living with HIV and I know of some who lost the battle. But don't think that it's an automatic death sentence. I have some very dear friends who are living very healthy lives that are HIV positive. And let's face it: Some of you have friends too...maybe even lovers, but you may not know it....or they may not know it.

Have you been tested for HIV? Do you use condoms 100% of the time when having sex? Do you know somebody or love somebody who has HIV or AIDS or somebody who is affected by it? This is REAL, people. Millions of people are living with this disease and millions of people are DYING of this disease every year. The only way we can stop it from spreading is by educating ourselves, knowing your status, and protecting ourselves each and every time we have sex. And keep supporting advancements in medicine so that one day, we will have a CURE.



**On a completely different note, Happy Birthday Orlando. :0)

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Stamp the Passport



For some reason, I get the best material to write about by talking to my fellow coworkers, and this is no exception. Before Babyface (Names have been changed to protect the guilty.) quit and moved back to Virginia, he and I were discussing my all time favorite topic - banging chicks (barf) - and he filled me in on a little topic known as "Stamping the Passport."

Basically, when you engage in sexual relations with someone in another country or from another country, you basically get a stamp on your sexport. Talk about Around the World in 80 Fucks.

I'm sure that this operation also works in the ghey community, but really tho WHO keeps track of this shit?

What countries do you have a stamp for? Sound off, whores!

Friday, October 08, 2010

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Honestly, I don't know of anyone except a freaking pervert who would want to have this ummm....product in their home for daily use, but to each his own.



That's right. You too can smell like a sweaty vagina with VULVA Original! While it's manufacturers are not deeming it a "perfume," it's definitely an erotic feminine scent meant to ignite arousal to those who get a good whiff of it.

It is unclear what is in it and the description "slightly yellow, desirable substance" is kinda scary to me. I myself, am allergic to vagina. I practically broke out in hives when I was born and have never looked back. But by all means, somebody order this shit and tell me how it is!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Different Type of Vitamin Water



Have you ever been so pissed off at a co-worker that you thought "I'm gonna jack off into this bitch's bottle of water?"

Yeah, me neither.

But apparantly SOMEBODY must have pissed this guy off in California enough to make him do just that.

Michael Kevin Lallana, of Fullerton, CA has been charged with two misdemeanor counts each of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, according to a statement from the Orange County District Attorney's office. Back in January, this dude deposited his man juice into a water bottle that was on a female co-workers desk. She later came back to her desk, drank from the bottle, and threw it away after feeling sick and irritated.

Then, HE DOES IT AGAIN three months later!!! But this time, the woman was smart and sent the bottle of semen-aid to be tested. DNA never lies boo boo.

I've been know for a little office prank, but that shit is disgusting. I smell an office romance that went terribly wrong. Let it be a lesson folks: Your health and sanity ain't worth it for mail-room dick or cubicle pussy. That GOOD-GOOD lies within middle and upper management.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Real Talk v2.0



As you may or may not recall, last year I did a little personal experiment entitled Real Talk where I gave up all forms of social networking for 30 days. During that time frame I was able to take a breather from the online world and sort of appreciate my many forms of technology and communication methods for what they were.

This year, I decided to do it again. While my reasons last year were more to see if I could ACTUALLY give up Tweeting and everything else for a month, this year is more of a NEED to give it up for a month. There is just certain things that I do not need to say, do, or read vis the internet and I want to be able to miss these things in order to appreciate the technology that I am afforded and not take it for granted. And to be perfectly honest, I'm sick of some of the backhanded, catty, shady, subliminal shit that goes on between friends, enemies, and complete strangers that takes place at everyones fingertips via computer keyboard. (Myself included in all of that)

So here we go again. Real Talk. Version 2.0. For the month of September, there will be no Facebook. No Twitter. I've FINALLY caught up to 2008 and deleted my MySpace. No IMs. No texting. No personal email. You can call me, or you can write me via snail mail.

Instead of doing nothing for 30 days besides working like I did last year. Perhaps I'll add some spontaneity to my month off. Maybe I'll drive to the cape in the middle of the night, just to watch the sunrise, and drive back. Or fly to Bali (Thanks Ms. Gilbert). Or perhaps I'll just take my fat ass to the gym for a change. Who knows. I will do SOMETHING. And I'll probably share with you guys. :0)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Are you a Sexsomniac?



Have you ever woken up with jizz on your chest? (No, I’m not talking to you Ke-dollarsign-ha) What about waking up to strange clues that you may have engaged in sexual activity the night before, but perhaps don’t remember doing anything before you went to sleep? Well, it may not have been the roofies that were slipped into your drink, but perhaps a more and more common disorder known as sexsomnia.

Sexsomnia, or sleep sex, is a form of non-rapid eye movement (NREM) parasomnia(similar to sleepwalking) that causes people to engage in sexual acts such as masturbation, fondling, sexual intercourse and sexual assault or rape while they are asleep. A recent study of people who were having trouble sleeping found that 1 in 12 of these patients were engaging in sleep sex, and people who have a history of other sleep activities such as sleepwalking or talking in their sleep are more prone to sleep sex episodes.

Pretty harmless, right? Think again.

There have been reports of men injuring themselves during sadistic masturbation acts or humping metal or brick walls. Although more common in men, sexsomnia is a disorder that affects males and females. Isolated reports exist about women who have had sex with strangers during the sleep period. The only way this entity was discovered was the detection of used condoms and semen stains on the bed the morning after the sexual incident. Sexsomnia has even been used as a defense in rape trials.

So besides the deviant, sexual behavior involved, is Sexsomnia dangerous? Could be. Sleep disorders can lead to other conditions such as cardiovascular problems, abnormal immune responses and general metabolic weakness. It is best to seek help from a sleep center or your primary doctor if you feel like this may be happening to you.

So the next time you wake up to a mind-blowing orgasm….remember it may not be just another wet dream.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Is that a knife in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Shit like this you can't make up. Thanks to WMBF News in Myrtle Beach for reporting this.



MYRTLE BEACH, SC (WMBF) - A Myrtle Beach man has been charged after police say he stabbed his roommate on Thursday.

According to a report from Myrtle Beach Police, the 58-year-old victim was attacked after asking his roommate to quiet down while engaging in sexual activity with a woman.

After telling his roommate he was sick of hearing the noise, police say his roommate jumped out of bed and began stabbing the 58-year-old in the hand with a knife. Police say the man ran out of the apartment and alerted neighbors that he had been injured.

The victim sustained stab wounds to his left hand as a result of the altercation.

The man's roommate, later identified as Russell Willis Shepherd Jr., 40, of Myrtle Beach, has since been charged with second degree assault and battery and transported to the Myrtle Beach Jail.


Like seriously, WTF? It wasn't like that guy asked if he could join in or anything. Tell your fucking hooker to keep her porno audition noise to a minimum. Yeesh! I hope homeboy finds a new roomie after he gets out of the hospital.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Eat

This blog entry has been in my head for quite sometime. I just never knew how to put it into written words. I'm not entirely sure if I even know how to now, which is also part of the problem.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was speaking to a friend of mine, The Poet (I know, the codenames are getting cheesy, but whatever.) and we were just talking about life en general. catching up on what's going on in each other's world via our weekly phone call - because who has time for face-to-face contact these days? Unfortunately, there was nothing new for me to report. I mean, there was work, which happened to be really pissing me off at the time for no particular reason. There was financial stuff, which made me pissed off at work even more. But that was it. Now normally, this wouldn't upset me. I have no life and I've sort of gotten accustomed to that for the time being. But the fact that The Poet was going through a similar situation only made me ponder further what was going on with me.

It's no secret that I have a low tolerance for unnecessary stupidity. However, every little thing was setting me off. From giving directions to people who refuse to read what's in front of their face, to putting up with indoor temperature changes at the Ghetto-ria. I had too much going on in my life and at the same time, not enough.

I was/am in a funk.

And it is a damn shame that it has taken me two consecutive days off to relax enough to figure that part out.

The way that I'm feeling now makes me think about Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray, Love." And while it is true that the book speaks to me in a different way that it spoke to me when I first read it, the overall theme of "living your own life" is still loud and clear to me. This summer, the book will be brought to live in film. "Eat, Pray, Love" will star Julia Roberts and if the movie is half as good as the book, then I may end up....well, just check out the trailer below:



One line from that that stood out to me is when she says she wants to "marvel at something." I SO want that. If I could get away with packing up my car and driving away and never coming back I swear I would do it like....now. I know that the title is "Eat, Pray, Love" but I swear all I wanna do is eat. I don't wanna pray. I don't wanna love. I just want to EAT. I want to eat an entire pot of pasta (which I almost did today), I want to eat life...consuming everything around me and somehow making it part of a new me as I travel on.

As for the other two parts, I'm sure I'll get there eventually. First I just need to get out of this funk.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Pride - A Contradiction in the Term Itself



Well folks, June is here and for most people of the gay communities in these United States, that means that Pride is coming up. The story is no different in Boston as I'm seeing all sorts of flyers and whatnot about the different Pride-themed events leading up to the "Big" parade on Saturday. Because these series of events is indeed a part of "Pride" week, you would think that there would be a little bit more unity and sense of "pride" in our gay communities. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Here's my take on the divide I'm seeing:

"Anti-gay" gays - I get it. The gay scene is NOT your thing. But the sheer fact that you like to either give it or take it up the ass is all you need to show a little respect to those who do enjoy the scene. I'm not talking about doing drugs in the back of the club or hooking up in the bathrooms (because believe it or not, that happens at the str8 clubs too). I'm talking about the normal scene, with the same awful electronic mixes of "Single Ladies" and everything Gaga. People like it. People love it. More power to em. I like to dance to the awful shit when I go out. But I actually have more respect for those who say, "Not really my scene," than those who show such disdain and downright HATE for anything remotely gay, whether it's clubs, music, tv, or whatever. Seriously, go suck a dick.

"Super" gays - This is where I may sound a little contradictory. Guys, get over yourselves. Really. Respect must be given if you expect to receive it back. There is a very distinct difference between being open with your sexuality (or FLAUNTING it) and just being disrespectful about it. That means no unwanted sexual advances, no anti-hetero remarks, etc. While it is true that I tend to wear my sexuality on my sleeve sometimes (My walls are painted purple for Pete's sake!) I do not FORCE my sexuality upon others. This is how I have gained respect from peers and str8 counterparts. They love my FLAMIN' hot ass! And let the fucking Bi guys play softball with your queeny asses. They will only help the game, I'm sure. Where's the inclusiveness and acceptance there?

So this week, as the weird costumes get dusted off and re-glittered, let's keep in mind that yes, we should have a gay ol' time. But respect gets respect. Prove why we deserve the rights we've worked so hard to get by acting like humans and not animals.

Let the hateful comments commence...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Just in time for Father's Day

I must thank my good friend, Haitian Goddess (again, a codename), for presenting me with this little treat to share with you guys.

Guys, have you ever been alone, having some well deserved....."me" time, and thought, "Hey, I'm sick of my own hand jerking me off. What can I do?" Until now, my answer would be to either get a life, get a wife, or get a hooker. But now I have a LOVELY alternative to those three things.

Introducing the Kayden Kross Hand Job Sex Toy!!!



Nicknamed "The Stroker," this little trinket features the hand of pornstar Kayden Kross, who recently gave an Oscar-worthy performance as Elin Nordegren in the Epic film, "Tiger's Wood." Basically, it's a hand that is wrapped around a thin layer of plastic that you slip your junk into and go to town.

I personally don't see the point of this. It's either my hand, or someone else's hand. No need for a fake hand to help me get off especially if I have to use MY HAND to hold this fake hand. But to each it's own. Snatch one up for your dad this Father's Day. You're welcome Dad!!!

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Relax, It's Just Sex



It's no secret that most of my blog topics are sexually related. I actually go out of my way to find some of the weirdest shit possible to talk about on here. People have asked me before why I choose sex as my main topic for this site. My question is, "Why not?"

In America, sex is such a taboo topic among a lot of people. Unlike many European countries, where its residents are more open to more dialogue about sexuality, people are so tight-lipped here it's almost sickening. I think because people are too afraid to talk about sex, people are therefore uneducated about certain....effects of sex. Promiscuity, living on the "down low," unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases are all on the rise, and while I don't have exact statistics, I am pretty confident that our European counterparts aren't experiencing the same level of increases.

I think that we need to talk about sex more. No, I don't mean ho shit. I mean genuine, conversations about human sexuality in general. We need more dialogue. We need more education. We also need to be less judgemental of the topic. That's where the education part comes in. We have the power to teach each other an incredible amount of information if we put aside our inhibitions and just talk.

As far as this blog goes, I will continue to educate people on the stupidity of society. I like my weird and sometimes funny entries. I mean, somebody's gotta report on it. But you get my point. As my homegirls Salt n Pepa once said, "Let's talk about sex baby!"

Monday, April 26, 2010

This. Shit. Right. Here.

I was at work the other day talking to Ink (codename) about random shit and she brought up something that I swear I should have heard of such a long time ago. So I did a little research. Ah...the power of Google....



Ladies, have you ever looked down at your va-jay-jay and thought, "How can I drive more attention down there?"

I have a solution for you: VAJAZZLING!!!



Yes, dust off that hot glue gun that's been sitting in the basement, whip out those rhinestones and glitter, and give your Vagine the Bling it so deserves. The more bling and the more creative the design - the better. There is even a panel of judges waiting to see and critique your Lady part's new jewelery. Rate My Vajazzle is like the social network for pussy crowns and if your snatch can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

I think my stock in Michael's just went up.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

She Really I$ a Dirty Whore

It's no secret: I'm not a fan of KE dollar sign HA.



She's talentless, she looks like a homeless bum, and she smells. Not to mention she has the worst attitude on the face of the planet. But here's another reason to love her: She wears placenta on a necklace.

"'I'm into energy. I recently went to see a past-life regressionist, who is also a psychic. I wear my placenta around my neck every day, because it's supposed to give you second sight. I feel like I've had many lifetimes before."

Really tho? Did you ever take a bath in one of those previous lifetimes, KE dollar sign HA?

She goes on in some dumbass interview addressing her image as a "Party Girl."

"I have been working on realising this dream, my path, my mission, for years. I've really invested a lot of thought, time and effort into it. I think it's a bummer when people don't represent that properly, when they portray me as purely one-dimensional."

Sweetie, your wear a dead pussy around your neck. Get a fucking clue. Wash your ass. And make a song that doesn't sound like all your other songs and then maybe people will care.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ciara's Pussy Poppin Video

Ciara premiered the video for her latest single, "Ride." Check it out:



I'm not impressed. Everyone is talking about how great the "choreography" is. All she is doing is poppin her pussy and spreading it across the floor. If she were to do the video over again I guarantee it wouldn't have the exact same "choreography" as before.

Yes, the bitch can dance. We know that. To me, she looked much better in the "Go Girl" video. Her body was better looking then. To me, she looks frail in this video.

But that's just MY humble ass opinion. I'm sure most of you bitches like it. So fuck my opinion.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Porn for the Soul

So a while back, when the TV show Glee first premiered, I was watching it with Deuce and he just saw this big GOOFY grin on my face. And he goes, "This is like PORN for you, isn't it?"

Flash forward....



Yes, people. They're making a Glee porno flick. And the above footage is by far some of the best renditions of the Star Spangled Banner since Whitney at the Super Bowl.

Nothing says Show Choir like a big orgy. Sometimes it takes a big dick to make you hit those high notes. These women need it. Except for homegirl singing the Mexican national anthem. She was pretty good.

Keri Hilson, eat your heart out!

Friday, April 16, 2010

I Can't...

So some dude was arrested and pled guilty for having sex with a donkey. Isn't that how AIDS came about? Or was it a monkey? I don't know. I don't care. If I was that donkey I would've fought back and fucked HIM in the ass.

How you like them apples?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Male Prostitute Quits

Well it looks like America's first legal male prostitute has quit his day job. Markus Destin has decided to resign from his post at the Shady Lady Ranch in rural Nevada due to a lack of customers....less than 10 customers...

The owners of the ranch, Jim and Bobbi Davis, have already hired a replacement, but hinted that Destin may return at some point. While their main focus (and moneymaker) is women who have sex with men, they have stated that they will pursue the idea of male prostitutes a little while longer.

Hmmmm....

In my opinion, there are a few reasons this business arrangement didnt' work out between Markus and the Shady Lady.

One, he expressed that he only wanted to have women clientelle and not have sex with men. I don't know of many women who would pay for sex. There are enough horny men out there for them to flash their pussies to and fuck for free. Unfortunately for Mr. Destin, he probably would have made more money if he was "gay for pay."

Two, this guy isn't what I would call "income worthy," meaning if I were to pay someone for sex, it wouldn't be him. Take a look at this:



His face looks retarded and his dick looks....unhealthy. Don't nobody want that wrinkly shit. I like a nice pretty penis...especially if I'm paying for it. Beggers can't be choosy, but you best believe I'd be getting my hard-earned money's worth.

Gimmie this guy:



DAMN!!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fuck the Red Cross



Let me preface this by saying I am truly sorry about what is going on in Haiti, and I will find other means of supporting them.

I recently received a letter from the American Red Cross asking me to send a monitary donation for whatever relief efforts they claimed to be supporting at the time or to stop by a local blood bank and donate blood. As a result, I Tweeted a comment about them that resulted in numerous dialogues between myself and virtual strangers....and also brought back a flood of memories that I had once forgotten.

It was the year 2000 and my first week as a College Freshman. I was away from my hometown of Detroit and exploring new horizons at my school in Orangeburg, South Carolina. I was an adult, independent, ready to take on the world. There was a Blood Drive on campus and I figured that I would do the responsible thing and donate some of my blood. I mean, as their slogan at the time said, the life that I save could be my own. :0)

The Blood drive was fairly busy, which I expected, and I waited patiently for my turn to donate. Of course there was a questionaire, which I have refered to since then as THE questionaire. Anywhoo, I fill out the questionaire and hand it to the lovely, seemingly nice lady on the other side of the table and mentally prepare myself for the sight of blood being pumped from my very own veins.

What happened next is probably the most embarassing and humiliating thing that has ever happened to me....EVER...

The lady looked at my questionaire...THE questionaire...like I had drawn Nazi symbols all over it. Then she told me, as cold-hearted as she possibly could, that I would not be able to give blood. Why? Because I am "a male who has had sex with another male since 1977, even once." Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, I'm a gay male, who has had sex with men, since 1977 (I was BORN in 1982). Then I was escorted out of the blood drive location because of fears that I would cause a scene. I would have. I was shocked, totally embarassed, and I wanted to cry.

The worst part about it is the fact that was no empathy whatsoever. There was no "I'm sorry, but unfortunately FDA guidelines...." No "I wish we could, but..." No nothing, but the impression of "You're gay, therefore you have AIDS, and we don't want your disease-ridden blood."

Flashforward to the other day, and the conversations that I had with these people whom I have never met. It was almost the same thing all over again, except they were a little nicer. But were still trying to justify the reasoning. I was told that people are prohibited from giving blood for sleeping with prostitutes and sharing needles. While that may be true, the fact of the matter is that as long as they refrain from that activity for i year before donating blood, then they're allowed to do so. So according to my calculations, a hetersexual male can have unprotected sex with a different female prostitute every day of his life and then share needles with 20 different people, and as long as he stops doing that for a year, then he can donate blood. But if I have protected sex with another HIV negative male, test negative every six months, and become abstinate for 10 years, I'm still prohibited from donating blood. Does that make sense? What sickens me the most is that it's been almost ten years after that incident, and 25 years after the archaic clause was placed on THE questionare, and nothing has changed. I've had this discussion with several of my gay friends. Some of them told me that they donated blood after lying on THE questionaire. Fuck that. I'm not lying on any form just so an organization who practices blatent institutionalized homophobia can suck the blood out of me....literally.

So fuck you, Red Cross. Take my name off your mailing list. You don't want my blood, therefore you don't get my money.