She Really I$ a Dirty Whore

It's no secret: I'm not a fan of KE dollar sign HA.



She's talentless, she looks like a homeless bum, and she smells. Not to mention she has the worst attitude on the face of the planet. But here's another reason to love her: She wears placenta on a necklace.

"'I'm into energy. I recently went to see a past-life regressionist, who is also a psychic. I wear my placenta around my neck every day, because it's supposed to give you second sight. I feel like I've had many lifetimes before."

Really tho? Did you ever take a bath in one of those previous lifetimes, KE dollar sign HA?

She goes on in some dumbass interview addressing her image as a "Party Girl."

"I have been working on realising this dream, my path, my mission, for years. I've really invested a lot of thought, time and effort into it. I think it's a bummer when people don't represent that properly, when they portray me as purely one-dimensional."

Sweetie, your wear a dead pussy around your neck. Get a fucking clue. Wash your ass. And make a song that doesn't sound like all your other songs and then maybe people will care.

Ciara's Pussy Poppin Video

Ciara premiered the video for her latest single, "Ride." Check it out:



I'm not impressed. Everyone is talking about how great the "choreography" is. All she is doing is poppin her pussy and spreading it across the floor. If she were to do the video over again I guarantee it wouldn't have the exact same "choreography" as before.

Yes, the bitch can dance. We know that. To me, she looked much better in the "Go Girl" video. Her body was better looking then. To me, she looks frail in this video.

But that's just MY humble ass opinion. I'm sure most of you bitches like it. So fuck my opinion.

Male Prostitute Quits

Well it looks like America's first legal male prostitute has quit his day job. Markus Destin has decided to resign from his post at the Shady Lady Ranch in rural Nevada due to a lack of customers....less than 10 customers...

The owners of the ranch, Jim and Bobbi Davis, have already hired a replacement, but hinted that Destin may return at some point. While their main focus (and moneymaker) is women who have sex with men, they have stated that they will pursue the idea of male prostitutes a little while longer.

Hmmmm....

In my opinion, there are a few reasons this business arrangement didnt' work out between Markus and the Shady Lady.

One, he expressed that he only wanted to have women clientelle and not have sex with men. I don't know of many women who would pay for sex. There are enough horny men out there for them to flash their pussies to and fuck for free. Unfortunately for Mr. Destin, he probably would have made more money if he was "gay for pay."

Two, this guy isn't what I would call "income worthy," meaning if I were to pay someone for sex, it wouldn't be him. Take a look at this:



His face looks retarded and his dick looks....unhealthy. Don't nobody want that wrinkly shit. I like a nice pretty penis...especially if I'm paying for it. Beggers can't be choosy, but you best believe I'd be getting my hard-earned money's worth.

Gimmie this guy:



DAMN!!!

The Hell

So I was forced by Deuce to sit through the season premier of The Hills. Now I have avoided this show for five seasons, and its predacessor, Laguna Biotch, for a reason. That reason being I didn't want my eyes or eardrums to bleed. So it should come as no surprise that my opinion of the show is that it sucks balls. Big ones.

However, in every dark cloud, there is a silver lining: Kristin Cavallari.



She's a total bitch, and frankly I loved every second on her on-screen time. Everyone else, I wanted to shoot in the face. I mean....seriously....Heidi and Spencer are beyond annoying. Audrina and Stephanie are dumb cunts, and Brody is a douche. But Kristin is watchable. I think that MTV made a wise choice with bringing her into the mix, and I'm sure they're reaping the benefits in the form of skyrocketing ratings.

If I can manage to keep my dinner down next week, I MAY tune in again. However, Heidi's voice is enough to make me sell my dog for drug money so I'd be too high to pay attention anymore. Thank God Spencer doesn't want any kids.

It's on Bitch!

100% Classy

This woman is taking MILF to a whole new level.



Police say Deborah Lee Towe had sex with her daughter's friends (as young as 15), in a Walmart parking lot, an elementary school parking lot, and her home. Towe allegedly told police, "I felt young. I missed all those years," according to Redding.com. Towe supposedly thought that by having sex with her daughter friends, they'd be less likely to try to have sex with her 15-year-old daughter.

Ain't she sexy?

I mean, her daughter is 15 and this took place in Shasta County, California, but doesn't she look like a 25 year old from Woburn who has had a hard life filled with meth and heroin? My heart goes out to Miss Deborah Lee and I'm gonna dedicate my new book, "Chicken Tetrazzini for the Mother's Soul," to her and her cause.

That reminds me....I need to get to Walmart soon to restock toilet paper and dryer sheets.

Obsessed

If you haven't had the pleasure of checking out the Child of Destiny's new movie, Obsessed, you need to. I was pleasantly surprised at how good of a movie it was, despite that awful wig Beyonce had to wear.



My only issue was with Ms. Ali Larter's methods. She done flashed her little bra and panties set and went completly coo-coo for Idris Elba's cocoa puffs. Ali, you are not from Woburn, MA and you could've saved all the psycho shit for Heroes. Everybody knows all you need to steal someone's husband is some Chicken Tetrazzini.....and maybe a pitcher of Kool-Aid.

The Gym...Not Just for Working Out Anymore!!!

In an attempt to achieve physical sexiness (I’ve got a long way to go), I’ve purchased a cheapo membership to a local gym (Planet Fitness for you stalkers out there). Since joining, I’ve had the amusement of answering several questions about my particular motivations for deciding to work out at a gym. I suppose that I should take my homosexual stereotypes of sleazy rendezvous in the steam room in stride the same way I do with my obsession with fried chicken because of my skin color (put some hot sauce on that shit….DAMN!). However, it’s funny how MANY people I’ve talked to about this who have the same questions: Am I going to the gym to work out…or hook up?

Now, for most of my gay life, I’ve heard the stories of the taboo “Gym hookup.” But it was my understanding that the hookup was secondary to the primary purpose, which was actually working out. But in recent days, it seems as though working out has been placed on the back-burner and the ever-evolving hookup is now the primary focus of those frequenting the gym…..or at least that is what my co-workers, friends, and close relatives (ew) are leading me to believe.

Me personally, I would never try it for a couple of reasons. One, I’m trying to achieve physical sexiness and I’ve got about 15 pounds of gut to lose before I can start pole dancing for facelift money. Two, I’d be too chicken shit scared of getting caught. Three, have you ever attempted anal sex in the shower? It hurts. But to each his own. If that’s how you wanna spend precious free time, go ahead.

My question is, how often have you heard about it? Is it just a gay thing? Is the gym really not just for working out anymore? I would love to hear from some hetero-folk to see how many stories are out there.

I’m off to the gym!

Weirdness

So because I had nothing else better to do, I decided to Google crazy sex laws in Massachusetts.

Now I thought I was gonna find some off the wall crazy shit....but I didn't. However, I did find a few things that made made me go.."What the fuck?"

For instance, oral sex is ILLEGAL in Massachusetts. Are you kidding me? 90% of gay sex is oral! Is this some sick way of locking up all the homos?

Also, it is illegal for a man's erection to show through his clothing. By this standard, a lot of adolescent boys (and some ready freaky weirdo grown-ups) should be put away for a few years.

But the craziest of them all had to have been this one: At a rodeo, it is illegal to have sex with a rodeo clown in the presence of horses.

What the fuck?

My Car Has AIDS

Ugh, I hate people.

Anyone who knows me knows that my number one pet peeve is bitches who talk during the movies. Well tonight these 4 hoes were tap dancing on my last nerve during "The Unborn." I'm sitting there, trying to enjoy the somewhat cheezy movie and these 4 ghetto Woburn bitches would not shut up. After about an hour of their whispering and giggling and shit I finally asked them in the nicest way possible, "Would you shut the fuck up?" And instead of getting an apology, one of them turns around and says "What?" So my friend (not as nice as me) says "Shut the fuck up."

Still no apology.

Instead they continue whispering and giggling and making snide remarks about us. So instead of calling them the cum-guzzling whores that they were once the movie ended, we just get up and leave. Well we haven't made it to my car when I hear behind us, "Faggots!" Which turns into a big ugly scene in the movie theatre where the whores' best witty line is "faggot" (like they discovered the fountain of youth or something. Not that I'm some flaming queen or anything, but a blind man can tell I take it up the rear) and us calling them everything but children of God (trust me, God had nothing to do with that catastrophe).

So anyway, as I'm backing my car up, trying not to hit this bitch whose head is a big as Kim Kardashian's ass, she's whipping out her cheap ass camera phone to take a picture of my license plate. Then, my friend tells me that one of them spit on my car. And all I could think is "Great, my car has AIDS now."