Sunday, April 26, 2009


If you haven't had the pleasure of checking out the Child of Destiny's new movie, Obsessed, you need to. I was pleasantly surprised at how good of a movie it was, despite that awful wig Beyonce had to wear.

My only issue was with Ms. Ali Larter's methods. She done flashed her little bra and panties set and went completly coo-coo for Idris Elba's cocoa puffs. Ali, you are not from Woburn, MA and you could've saved all the psycho shit for Heroes. Everybody knows all you need to steal someone's husband is some Chicken Tetrazzini.....and maybe a pitcher of Kool-Aid.

A Golden Farewell

I was at work when I got the call. My favorite Golden Girl, Bea Arthur, had passed away on Saturday at the age of 86.

She apparantly had cancer and died peacefully in her Los Angeles home.

I love this woman. She was never short of a witty line and no matter what people say....SHE made that show the success it was.

We love you Bea. Give Estelle Getty a hug for me.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sluts 101: How to Steal a Man

Now normally, if a skank bitch wanted to steal her friend's man, she would do some off the wall type of hoe shit, like blowing him in the kitchen while the girlfriend is peeing in the bathroom or showing up at his apartment for a late night booty call among other things. But apparently the quickest way to a man's heart (and his dick) is through his stomach.

Exhibit A:

Now....I have been known to do some strange things for food, especially if it's free food. However, I didn't think Black people even ate Chicken Tetrazzini. Did you look at these women? And the skanky chef was trying to steal THAT?!?!?! But if you ain't black Barbie, I guess you can't expect Death Row Ken to be your knight in shining teeth. Hey, God can't give you everything, so if you don't have the looks, class, or sexual better make some BOMB ASS CHICKEN TETRAZZINI!!!!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

When Animals Attack...

This is exactly why I don't mess with wild animals...

A FEISTY raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal.
Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.
Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.
“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal.
“That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with."

There are some sick, sick people in the world. I usually like the crazy type, but this is too much for me. His dick must have been a solid 2 inches for him not to be able to score human pooty-tang. Serves him right...No means no!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

The Gym...Not Just for Working Out Anymore!!!

In an attempt to achieve physical sexiness (I’ve got a long way to go), I’ve purchased a cheapo membership to a local gym (Planet Fitness for you stalkers out there). Since joining, I’ve had the amusement of answering several questions about my particular motivations for deciding to work out at a gym. I suppose that I should take my homosexual stereotypes of sleazy rendezvous in the steam room in stride the same way I do with my obsession with fried chicken because of my skin color (put some hot sauce on that shit….DAMN!). However, it’s funny how MANY people I’ve talked to about this who have the same questions: Am I going to the gym to work out…or hook up?

Now, for most of my gay life, I’ve heard the stories of the taboo “Gym hookup.” But it was my understanding that the hookup was secondary to the primary purpose, which was actually working out. But in recent days, it seems as though working out has been placed on the back-burner and the ever-evolving hookup is now the primary focus of those frequenting the gym…..or at least that is what my co-workers, friends, and close relatives (ew) are leading me to believe.

Me personally, I would never try it for a couple of reasons. One, I’m trying to achieve physical sexiness and I’ve got about 15 pounds of gut to lose before I can start pole dancing for facelift money. Two, I’d be too chicken shit scared of getting caught. Three, have you ever attempted anal sex in the shower? It hurts. But to each his own. If that’s how you wanna spend precious free time, go ahead.

My question is, how often have you heard about it? Is it just a gay thing? Is the gym really not just for working out anymore? I would love to hear from some hetero-folk to see how many stories are out there.

I’m off to the gym!