Sunday, January 15, 2012

Dangerous Curves

Ladies, have you ever thought about surprising your insignificant other with some classy, creative titty art, but don't want to commit to a permanent tattoo?

Well look no further! A lovely company by the name of TaTaToos can give those tig ol bitties the tramp stamp of approval they need to impress those men (and women) waiting for that special delivery that is in your bra. These temporary tats are all for the low low price of $10, so buy em all, dammit!

Friday, January 06, 2012

When Drunk Bitches Attack

It looks like 2012 will be a crazy year indeed with recent news that a 36-year-old Colorado woman has been accused of drunkenly attacking a painting worth over $30 million, according to the Denver District Attorney’s Office.

Carmen Tisch, 36, was arrested after scratching, punching and rubbing her BARE ASS against Clyfford Still's "1957-J no.2" and then attempted to urinate on the painting. She however, missed. Tisch’s actions caused an estimated $10,000 in damage to the painting, which is valued between $30 and $40 million.

Where the fuck were her friends during all this? And more importantly, are they going to help pony up the $20,000 to bail her ass out of jail?

Monday, January 02, 2012

Eye in the Vagina

How I missed this story before boggles me, but alas....

One cold winter night, Dr. Melissa Barton was the attending physician in the emergency department of the Detroit Medical Center. I'm sure it was a slow night in the ER and doc was probably like "piece of cake." No bitch...

Making her rounds, she picked up a chart for a new patient and read the woman's chief complaint: "eye in the vagina."

You read that right.

 Eye. In. The. Fucking. Vagina.

If I were a doctor, I would seriously be like "What the fuck??" But this is why I didn't go to Med School. But anyway...

The patient told Barton she had been expecting a fight with some neighbors outside her house. Wearing only a sweatshirt and spandex pants, she needed somewhere to stow her prosthetic eye for safe-keeping. "Those things are pretty expensive and hard to replace," Barton said. "So that's where it went, along with her driver's license." Unfortunately, it got stuck.

Of course she put her eye in her vagina. She couldn't just leave it in the trailer for somebody to steal, now could she??? She probably pulled out a baseball bat from there to fight the other girl with. How dreadful.

This woman clearly did not know what she was doing. Asian women have been shoving ping pong balls up their snatch and popping them out for generations, and this woman loses an eye up there. Where is Doctor Yang when you need her?