Thursday, January 15, 2009

I'm in love with a stripper...

...well, not really. Not even close.

But I did find myself once again fascinated with a person of the opposite sex. (Gasp!)

Now I had absolutely nothing to do today but laundry, homework, dusting, doing the dishes and other stuffl....none of which I actually did because I was too busy on YouTube downloading old clips of Sable from the WWF (now known as WWE...I liked it much better when the F was there). I don't know why I'm drawn to this woman but I could not stop watching these clips....for hours!

Don't worry, I'm not ready to jump the broom and marry the broad. The most important part of my body didn't even wake up while she was on TV (Thank God). But there is something there that I can't put my finger on. Maybe it's how she was the underdog who was merely trying to defend herself. Maybe it was because people were jealous of her incredible beauty (Trust me, I can relate! Haha). Or maybe because when all was said and done, she could kick your ass and not break a nail....or stiletto heal.

Whatever the reasons, I just want to say to Sable, if she's reading this (yeah right), I miss you, and your fake boobs, and power bombs.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My Car Has AIDS

Ugh, I hate people.

Anyone who knows me knows that my number one pet peeve is bitches who talk during the movies. Well tonight these 4 hoes were tap dancing on my last nerve during "The Unborn." I'm sitting there, trying to enjoy the somewhat cheezy movie and these 4 ghetto Woburn bitches would not shut up. After about an hour of their whispering and giggling and shit I finally asked them in the nicest way possible, "Would you shut the fuck up?" And instead of getting an apology, one of them turns around and says "What?" So my friend (not as nice as me) says "Shut the fuck up."

Still no apology.

Instead they continue whispering and giggling and making snide remarks about us. So instead of calling them the cum-guzzling whores that they were once the movie ended, we just get up and leave. Well we haven't made it to my car when I hear behind us, "Faggots!" Which turns into a big ugly scene in the movie theatre where the whores' best witty line is "faggot" (like they discovered the fountain of youth or something. Not that I'm some flaming queen or anything, but a blind man can tell I take it up the rear) and us calling them everything but children of God (trust me, God had nothing to do with that catastrophe).

So anyway, as I'm backing my car up, trying not to hit this bitch whose head is a big as Kim Kardashian's ass, she's whipping out her cheap ass camera phone to take a picture of my license plate. Then, my friend tells me that one of them spit on my car. And all I could think is "Great, my car has AIDS now."