Eye in the Vagina

How I missed this story before boggles me, but alas....

One cold winter night, Dr. Melissa Barton was the attending physician in the emergency department of the Detroit Medical Center. I'm sure it was a slow night in the ER and doc was probably like "piece of cake." No bitch...

Making her rounds, she picked up a chart for a new patient and read the woman's chief complaint: "eye in the vagina."

You read that right.

 Eye. In. The. Fucking. Vagina.

If I were a doctor, I would seriously be like "What the fuck??" But this is why I didn't go to Med School. But anyway...

The patient told Barton she had been expecting a fight with some neighbors outside her house. Wearing only a sweatshirt and spandex pants, she needed somewhere to stow her prosthetic eye for safe-keeping. "Those things are pretty expensive and hard to replace," Barton said. "So that's where it went, along with her driver's license." Unfortunately, it got stuck.

Of course she put her eye in her vagina. She couldn't just leave it in the trailer for somebody to steal, now could she??? She probably pulled out a baseball bat from there to fight the other girl with. How dreadful.

This woman clearly did not know what she was doing. Asian women have been shoving ping pong balls up their snatch and popping them out for generations, and this woman loses an eye up there. Where is Doctor Yang when you need her?

Porn for the Soul

So a while back, when the TV show Glee first premiered, I was watching it with Deuce and he just saw this big GOOFY grin on my face. And he goes, "This is like PORN for you, isn't it?"

Flash forward....



Yes, people. They're making a Glee porno flick. And the above footage is by far some of the best renditions of the Star Spangled Banner since Whitney at the Super Bowl.

Nothing says Show Choir like a big orgy. Sometimes it takes a big dick to make you hit those high notes. These women need it. Except for homegirl singing the Mexican national anthem. She was pretty good.

Keri Hilson, eat your heart out!

My, that's a mighty muscular vagina you have!

And you thought those exercises that Karen Walker taught you wouldn't pay off....



A Russian woman has set a new world record, lifting a 14-kg. glass ball with her vagina muscles. Tatiata Kozhevnikova of Novosibirsk, aged 42, has been exercising her intimate muscles for fifteen years, and has already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records as the possessor of the world’s strongest vagina.

“After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls,” she said. “I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!”

Well she doesn't have to worry about that now. Her balls (hehe) are now custom made!

“You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook.”

As you know, Russian women are into some freaky shit. So she recommends a puss-of-steel workout on the regular as well as daily vodka douching. “It’s enough to exercise your vagina five minutes a day, ladies, and in just one week you’ll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed,” she says.

Check out these Kodak moments!