Sunday, August 21, 2011

Donut Hoe

In the great state of New Jersey, home to some class acts such as the cast of Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of New Jersey, a Dunkin' Donuts employee has been accused of offering her services as a prostitute to customers.

Police have arrested Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, who worked the overnight shift at Dunks on Rt 46. Detectives had done surveillance and saw that America was clearly running on her pussy because Ms. Redmond would follow customers to their car and spend 10-15 minutes out there, and even saw money exchanging hands a few times. She was arrested after disclosing her services and price menu to an undercover officer and proceeded to follow him to his car.

Who would pay for sex from a bitch at Dunkin' Donuts? Her nappy dugout is probably as dry as those damn donuts they're serving up. No thank you. Now...if they were offering a little Red Light Special at Krispy Kreme....

Friday, August 05, 2011

If You Seek Amy

A New Zealand woman nearly lost her hand after a crazy fuck-fest in Croatia went wrong. Apparently the woman, only known as "Amy" was getting it on with some hot piece of British man dick in the bathroom on a yacht, when the sink broke and her hand was severed on a jagged piece of porcelain as they fell to the ground. It took six hours to put poor little Amy's hand back on, and her man is MIA.

Ain't that a bitch? How you gonna fuck some girl, watch her hand get chopped off, and flee the scene? Actually, he was smart. It's Shark Week. All that blood on that damn boat was bound to draw out Jaws and his hungry buddies to eat anything and everything on the S.S. Fuckalot.

I hope Amy doesn't catch up with him. HE might get something severed...

Monday, August 01, 2011

Real Talk Three!

I can't believe that September is almost here! This year is flying by so fast and the month of September is significant to a lot of different people for different reasons. For some, it means that Fall is approaching. To others, Back-to-School is near. My mother's birthday is in September. But it also means it time for another Social Media sabbatical.

I was debating whether I was going to do this again this year. I mean, it seems that Social Media has taken over every aspect of modern life, from doing business, to staying in touch with friends and family, and the not-so-nice parts of life such as cyber-bullying. This started as a bet two years ago that I couldn't give up Social Media sites for a month....and I did....and it felt great. I had real conversations with people OFFLINE because.....well, I forced them to.

This year, the task of giving up Facebook and Twitter won't be as difficult because I've already been a little too busy to Tweet like I should. I've been busting my hump at work and it's paid off. I got a promotion! So while I'm not tweeting, "liking" anyone's pictures or statuses, or forming a "huddle" or "Circle," I'll be trying to figure out how the hell do I do my new job well enough not to get fired. Haha.

Fair warning to all, if you need me, call me. I'll write to everyone via snail mail because I have waaaay too much stationery in my house, and I think its nice to open your mailbox and see something other than bills there. Don't worry. I'll still text those stubborn folks.