Friday, January 28, 2011

Grumpy Old Man

File this under: FUCKED UP

A creepy old man named Daniel Toy has been arrested in Pennsylvania for having child pornography on his computer.

Police say that the 81 year old told him that the videos weren't meant for anything sexual. "I can't get excited anymore...I'm too old." Ummm....yeah right old man. You wouldn't have that shit if it didn't excite you. He goes on to tell the police that he only had the kiddie porn because he "wanted to see what other people are doing."

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm sure when this dude was growing up during World War I and he was hanging out with friends his mom was like "If Tommy blows up a building, would you?" So don't make some lame ass excuse. Just come clean..."My name is Daniel and I'm addicted to kiddie porn!" and save us the fuckin trouble. Yeesh!

Friday, January 07, 2011

TGIFuck You

Today was a rough ass day. And I'm working all weekend. So no TGIF for me. I long for the day I get out of least far enough that I'm not in a store on a daily basis. But until then...

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Geek Squad

So I was sitting here helping my little brother via cellphone with his homework, finishing up some work-work, and adding entries to my indelicate, yet scintillating blog, when I decided to post today's pic of me in my nerd glasses. Prada bitch.

V is for Vocabulary

California Gurls

First, there was Vajazzling, and now this.

If you were ever wondering why California Gurls were so fucking unforgettable, it could be because there is a spa in Southern Cali that has started offering a 600 year old Korean treatment known as "chai-yok." In essence, it's a steam bath for the vagina. The treatment itself uses many herbs, including mugwort, which is believed to be an antiseptic that could also help rid your body of toxins. about pampering your pussy.

I for one, am jealous as hell. Vaginas are always getting some special treatment like they fucking give life or something. Oh wait...

Regardless, I would like to be able to sit on a pot and have soothing herbal steams and whatnot blow up my ass. I need to look into this. I'm sure Aveda has something I can use.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Beauty Tips

I was washing my mug and realized I forgot about today's pic. Aveda is the shit. It ain't easy being this fucking pretty.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

What's Your Cup Size?

Ok, growing up around women for most of my life, I unfortunately have seen my fair share of bras and and how cup sizes are measured and whatnot. However, nothing could prepare me for this.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a Ballbra. It is proclaimed by it's manufacturers to not only be comfortable and sexy, but also is said to increase stimulation during sex or masturbation. Fun, huh?

Sizes run in typical underwear-like sizes, or you can be a true "baller" boy and order a custom ballbra by measuring the height and width of your ummm....boys.

I don't know about you, but this sounds like heaven to me. But then again, I've always had a thing for underwear so this is right up my alley. What's say you guys? More importantly, what's your cup size?

Baby I'm a Star

I love this star hanging on my wall. I don't know why. I Also don't know why I can't get the song "Baby I'm a Star" by Prince out of my head today. Whenever I hear it playing I always do the craziest dances to it. But I guess in combination of the song, the star on my purple wall, Prince being nicknamed "his Royal Purpleness," and the fact that my mother's name is synonymous with one of my favorite colors....I thought that this would be a fitting picture for today.
V is for Violet

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Portrait of a Vain Bitch

Have you ever wanted to take a look at yourself and see how life has affected you over time? At the end of every year there's always someone who says how quickly the year has gone by. "Where did the year go?" Well, to answer that question for me, I'll take a picure of myself every day and post them here for my millions of readers to view in all their glory. LOL.

Yes...I'm a vain bitch. I'll be the first to admit it. If I don't love me, who will? But that's only part of the reasoning behind this project. In addition to wanting more pictures of myself to exist, I want to be able to see the feelings behind the picture. A way of reflecting on the year, so to speak. And it also guarantees that I'll be updating this damn blog at least once a day. So there.'s pic number one.
V is for Vanity.

Happy New Year!