30

Last week marked a milestone for me. In 1982, a star was born (LMAO!) and I turned 30 on February 15th. It seems like only last year I was celebrating my 25th birthday...probably because I was lying through my teeth about my age. But I was ready for 30. Despite everything that is going on, I am extremely happy with the position I am in at this time of my life and I am grateful for the people I am surrounded by to share it with. My best friend, DeVante flew in from Detroit to surprise me and celebrate! Here we are getting ready for the party:

Tons of well wishes from friends and family from all over the place filled me with such joy, and a very special gift from Deuce will always be with me to remind me of that day.

Now....the party! As you may or may not know, every Wednesday night is Karaoke night at Club Cafe in Boston....and I don't miss it for anything! Haha. So when it came to my attention that my 30th fell on a Wednesday, we knew we had to make it special. My friend Ryan (who's the host on Wednesdays) helped coordinate a Masquerade themed Karaoke night to celebrate.

It was absolutely amazing. I never had so much fun in my entire life and I am truly grateful to those who came out on a school night to celebrate and sing and eat cake and just got totally smashed with me! I didn't get too many pics because of all the debauchery going on, but I did manage to get a couple of performances on film. Don't judge me.

Miss Angela....Always shutting it down!


Me...trying to one-up her. Haha


After several drinks....



And what birthday is complete without cake?



Good times.....I can't wait for 31!

Where Do Broken Hearts Go

Yesterday sucked.

I'm in the mall trying to de-stress from work, headed to Starbucks and my phone rings. My roommate delivers the worst news of the day: Whitney Houston had died.

I couldn't even think straight....I just had to get off the phone. Not Whitney. I refused to believe it. Then my phone rings again. It's my Best Friend. "Please don't tell me...." I said. "Yup..." was all he could say.

Fuck. It was true. My all-time FAVORITE singer....EVER....was dead.

I felt like a member of my own family had died. In a way, Whitney was family. I grew up with her. Listened to her music repeatedly as a child all the way through to present day. I loved her. There was no other singer like Whitney. And now she's gone.

I can't even phathom to list my favorite Whitney moments, because the list is infinite. But I will list a few:

1991 Billboard Music Awards - She shut it down with a performance of  Lover Man, My Man & All the Man I need.



1994 South Africa Concert - I Have Nothing



Star Spangled Banner



And of Course....



Rest in Peace Whitney. I will ALWAYS love you.

Dangerous Curves

Ladies, have you ever thought about surprising your insignificant other with some classy, creative titty art, but don't want to commit to a permanent tattoo?

Well look no further! A lovely company by the name of TaTaToos can give those tig ol bitties the tramp stamp of approval they need to impress those men (and women) waiting for that special delivery that is in your bra. These temporary tats are all for the low low price of $10, so buy em all, dammit!

When Drunk Bitches Attack

It looks like 2012 will be a crazy year indeed with recent news that a 36-year-old Colorado woman has been accused of drunkenly attacking a painting worth over $30 million, according to the Denver District Attorney’s Office.

Carmen Tisch, 36, was arrested after scratching, punching and rubbing her BARE ASS against Clyfford Still's "1957-J no.2" and then attempted to urinate on the painting. She however, missed. Tisch’s actions caused an estimated $10,000 in damage to the painting, which is valued between $30 and $40 million.

Where the fuck were her friends during all this? And more importantly, are they going to help pony up the $20,000 to bail her ass out of jail?

Eye in the Vagina

How I missed this story before boggles me, but alas....

One cold winter night, Dr. Melissa Barton was the attending physician in the emergency department of the Detroit Medical Center. I'm sure it was a slow night in the ER and doc was probably like "piece of cake." No bitch...

Making her rounds, she picked up a chart for a new patient and read the woman's chief complaint: "eye in the vagina."

You read that right.

 Eye. In. The. Fucking. Vagina.

If I were a doctor, I would seriously be like "What the fuck??" But this is why I didn't go to Med School. But anyway...

The patient told Barton she had been expecting a fight with some neighbors outside her house. Wearing only a sweatshirt and spandex pants, she needed somewhere to stow her prosthetic eye for safe-keeping. "Those things are pretty expensive and hard to replace," Barton said. "So that's where it went, along with her driver's license." Unfortunately, it got stuck.

Of course she put her eye in her vagina. She couldn't just leave it in the trailer for somebody to steal, now could she??? She probably pulled out a baseball bat from there to fight the other girl with. How dreadful.

This woman clearly did not know what she was doing. Asian women have been shoving ping pong balls up their snatch and popping them out for generations, and this woman loses an eye up there. Where is Doctor Yang when you need her?

Donut Hoe

In the great state of New Jersey, home to some class acts such as the cast of Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of New Jersey, a Dunkin' Donuts employee has been accused of offering her services as a prostitute to customers.

Police have arrested Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, who worked the overnight shift at Dunks on Rt 46. Detectives had done surveillance and saw that America was clearly running on her pussy because Ms. Redmond would follow customers to their car and spend 10-15 minutes out there, and even saw money exchanging hands a few times. She was arrested after disclosing her services and price menu to an undercover officer and proceeded to follow him to his car.

Who would pay for sex from a bitch at Dunkin' Donuts? Her nappy dugout is probably as dry as those damn donuts they're serving up. No thank you. Now...if they were offering a little Red Light Special at Krispy Kreme....

If You Seek Amy

A New Zealand woman nearly lost her hand after a crazy fuck-fest in Croatia went wrong. Apparently the woman, only known as "Amy" was getting it on with some hot piece of British man dick in the bathroom on a yacht, when the sink broke and her hand was severed on a jagged piece of porcelain as they fell to the ground. It took six hours to put poor little Amy's hand back on, and her man is MIA.

Ain't that a bitch? How you gonna fuck some girl, watch her hand get chopped off, and flee the scene? Actually, he was smart. It's Shark Week. All that blood on that damn boat was bound to draw out Jaws and his hungry buddies to eat anything and everything on the S.S. Fuckalot.

I hope Amy doesn't catch up with him. HE might get something severed...