Monday, January 02, 2012
Eye in the Vagina
How I missed this story before boggles me, but alas....
One cold winter night, Dr. Melissa Barton was the attending physician in the emergency department of the Detroit Medical Center. I'm sure it was a slow night in the ER and doc was probably like "piece of cake." No bitch...
Making her rounds, she picked up a chart for a new patient and read the woman's chief complaint: "eye in the vagina."
You read that right.
Eye. In. The. Fucking. Vagina.
If I were a doctor, I would seriously be like "What the fuck??" But this is why I didn't go to Med School. But anyway...
The patient told Barton she had been expecting a fight with some neighbors outside her house. Wearing only a sweatshirt and spandex pants, she needed somewhere to stow her prosthetic eye for safe-keeping. "Those things are pretty expensive and hard to replace," Barton said. "So that's where it went, along with her driver's license." Unfortunately, it got stuck.
Of course she put her eye in her vagina. She couldn't just leave it in the trailer for somebody to steal, now could she??? She probably pulled out a baseball bat from there to fight the other girl with. How dreadful.
This woman clearly did not know what she was doing. Asian women have been shoving ping pong balls up their snatch and popping them out for generations, and this woman loses an eye up there. Where is Doctor Yang when you need her?