Ladies, has all the whoring around when you were 13 or 14 starting to catch up with you? Did you tell your man that you were saving yourself for marriage, knowing your snatch is as loose as Kirstie Alley's skinny jeans on Nicole Richie? Or have you finally realized that the best way out of a recession is to auction off your non-existent virginity to the highest bidder on Ebay? Well, I have got THE product for you:
It's an Artificial Virginity Hymen! (Applause)
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.
I can almost imagine all the pregnant virgins roaming the streets of Woburn now...