Are you a Sexsomniac?

Have you ever woken up with jizz on your chest? (No, I’m not talking to you Ke-dollarsign-ha) What about waking up to strange clues that you may have engaged in sexual activity the night before, but perhaps don’t remember doing anything before you went to sleep? Well, it may not have been the roofies that were slipped into your drink, but perhaps a more and more common disorder known as sexsomnia.

Sexsomnia, or sleep sex, is a form of non-rapid eye movement (NREM) parasomnia(similar to sleepwalking) that causes people to engage in sexual acts such as masturbation, fondling, sexual intercourse and sexual assault or rape while they are asleep. A recent study of people who were having trouble sleeping found that 1 in 12 of these patients were engaging in sleep sex, and people who have a history of other sleep activities such as sleepwalking or talking in their sleep are more prone to sleep sex episodes.

Pretty harmless, right? Think again.

There have been reports of men injuring themselves during sadistic masturbation acts or humping metal or brick walls. Although more common in men, sexsomnia is a disorder that affects males and females. Isolated reports exist about women who have had sex with strangers during the sleep period. The only way this entity was discovered was the detection of used condoms and semen stains on the bed the morning after the sexual incident. Sexsomnia has even been used as a defense in rape trials.

So besides the deviant, sexual behavior involved, is Sexsomnia dangerous? Could be. Sleep disorders can lead to other conditions such as cardiovascular problems, abnormal immune responses and general metabolic weakness. It is best to seek help from a sleep center or your primary doctor if you feel like this may be happening to you.

So the next time you wake up to a mind-blowing orgasm….remember it may not be just another wet dream.

Is that a knife in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Shit like this you can't make up. Thanks to WMBF News in Myrtle Beach for reporting this.



MYRTLE BEACH, SC (WMBF) - A Myrtle Beach man has been charged after police say he stabbed his roommate on Thursday.

According to a report from Myrtle Beach Police, the 58-year-old victim was attacked after asking his roommate to quiet down while engaging in sexual activity with a woman.

After telling his roommate he was sick of hearing the noise, police say his roommate jumped out of bed and began stabbing the 58-year-old in the hand with a knife. Police say the man ran out of the apartment and alerted neighbors that he had been injured.

The victim sustained stab wounds to his left hand as a result of the altercation.

The man's roommate, later identified as Russell Willis Shepherd Jr., 40, of Myrtle Beach, has since been charged with second degree assault and battery and transported to the Myrtle Beach Jail.

Like seriously, WTF? It wasn't like that guy asked if he could join in or anything. Tell your fucking hooker to keep her porno audition noise to a minimum. Yeesh! I hope homeboy finds a new roomie after he gets out of the hospital.

Eat

This blog entry has been in my head for quite sometime. I just never knew how to put it into written words. I'm not entirely sure if I even know how to now, which is also part of the problem.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was speaking to a friend of mine, The Poet (I know, the codenames are getting cheesy, but whatever.) and we were just talking about life en general. catching up on what's going on in each other's world via our weekly phone call - because who has time for face-to-face contact these days? Unfortunately, there was nothing new for me to report. I mean, there was work, which happened to be really pissing me off at the time for no particular reason. There was financial stuff, which made me pissed off at work even more. But that was it. Now normally, this wouldn't upset me. I have no life and I've sort of gotten accustomed to that for the time being. But the fact that The Poet was going through a similar situation only made me ponder further what was going on with me.

It's no secret that I have a low tolerance for unnecessary stupidity. However, every little thing was setting me off. From giving directions to people who refuse to read what's in front of their face, to putting up with indoor temperature changes at the Ghetto-ria. I had too much going on in my life and at the same time, not enough.

I was/am in a funk.

And it is a damn shame that it has taken me two consecutive days off to relax enough to figure that part out.

The way that I'm feeling now makes me think about Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray, Love." And while it is true that the book speaks to me in a different way that it spoke to me when I first read it, the overall theme of "living your own life" is still loud and clear to me. This summer, the book will be brought to live in film. "Eat, Pray, Love" will star Julia Roberts and if the movie is half as good as the book, then I may end up....well, just check out the trailer below:



One line from that that stood out to me is when she says she wants to "marvel at something." I SO want that. If I could get away with packing up my car and driving away and never coming back I swear I would do it like....now. I know that the title is "Eat, Pray, Love" but I swear all I wanna do is eat. I don't wanna pray. I don't wanna love. I just want to EAT. I want to eat an entire pot of pasta (which I almost did today), I want to eat life...consuming everything around me and somehow making it part of a new me as I travel on.

As for the other two parts, I'm sure I'll get there eventually. First I just need to get out of this funk.

Pride - A Contradiction in the Term Itself

Well folks, June is here and for most people of the gay communities in these United States, that means that Pride is coming up. The story is no different in Boston as I'm seeing all sorts of flyers and whatnot about the different Pride-themed events leading up to the "Big" parade on Saturday. Because these series of events is indeed a part of "Pride" week, you would think that there would be a little bit more unity and sense of "pride" in our gay communities. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Here's my take on the divide I'm seeing:

"Anti-gay" gays - I get it. The gay scene is NOT your thing. But the sheer fact that you like to either give it or take it up the ass is all you need to show a little respect to those who do enjoy the scene. I'm not talking about doing drugs in the back of the club or hooking up in the bathrooms (because believe it or not, that happens at the str8 clubs too). I'm talking about the normal scene, with the same awful electronic mixes of "Single Ladies" and everything Gaga. People like it. People love it. More power to em. I like to dance to the awful shit when I go out. But I actually have more respect for those who say, "Not really my scene," than those who show such disdain and downright HATE for anything remotely gay, whether it's clubs, music, tv, or whatever. Seriously, go suck a dick.

"Super" gays - This is where I may sound a little contradictory. Guys, get over yourselves. Really. Respect must be given if you expect to receive it back. There is a very distinct difference between being open with your sexuality (or FLAUNTING it) and just being disrespectful about it. That means no unwanted sexual advances, no anti-hetero remarks, etc. While it is true that I tend to wear my sexuality on my sleeve sometimes (My walls are painted purple for Pete's sake!) I do not FORCE my sexuality upon others. This is how I have gained respect from peers and str8 counterparts. They love my FLAMIN' hot ass! And let the fucking Bi guys play softball with your queeny asses. They will only help the game, I'm sure. Where's the inclusiveness and acceptance there?

So this week, as the weird costumes get dusted off and re-glittered, let's keep in mind that yes, we should have a gay ol' time. But respect gets respect. Prove why we deserve the rights we've worked so hard to get by acting like humans and not animals.

Let the hateful comments commence...

Just in time for Father's Day

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Relax, It's Just Sex

It's no secret that most of my blog topics are sexually related. I actually go out of my way to find some of the weirdest shit possible to talk about on here. People have asked me before why I choose sex as my main topic for this site. My question is, "Why not?"

In America, sex is such a taboo topic among a lot of people. Unlike many European countries, where its residents are more open to more dialogue about sexuality, people are so tight-lipped here it's almost sickening. I think because people are too afraid to talk about sex, people are therefore uneducated about certain....effects of sex. Promiscuity, living on the "down low," unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases are all on the rise, and while I don't have exact statistics, I am pretty confident that our European counterparts aren't experiencing the same level of increases.

I think that we need to talk about sex more. No, I don't mean ho shit. I mean genuine, conversations about human sexuality in general. We need more dialogue. We need more education. We also need to be less judgemental of the topic. That's where the education part comes in. We have the power to teach each other an incredible amount of information if we put aside our inhibitions and just talk.

As far as this blog goes, I will continue to educate people on the stupidity of society. I like my weird and sometimes funny entries. I mean, somebody's gotta report on it. But you get my point. As my homegirls Salt n Pepa once said, "Let's talk about sex baby!"

This. Shit. Right. Here.

I was at work the other day talking to Ink (codename) about random shit and she brought up something that I swear I should have heard of such a long time ago. So I did a little research. Ah...the power of Google....



Ladies, have you ever looked down at your va-jay-jay and thought, "How can I drive more attention down there?"

I have a solution for you: VAJAZZLING!!!



Yes, dust off that hot glue gun that's been sitting in the basement, whip out those rhinestones and glitter, and give your Vagine the Bling it so deserves. The more bling and the more creative the design - the better. There is even a panel of judges waiting to see and critique your Lady part's new jewelery. Rate My Vajazzle is like the social network for pussy crowns and if your snatch can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

I think my stock in Michael's just went up.

She Really I$ a Dirty Whore

It's no secret: I'm not a fan of KE dollar sign HA.



She's talentless, she looks like a homeless bum, and she smells. Not to mention she has the worst attitude on the face of the planet. But here's another reason to love her: She wears placenta on a necklace.

"'I'm into energy. I recently went to see a past-life regressionist, who is also a psychic. I wear my placenta around my neck every day, because it's supposed to give you second sight. I feel like I've had many lifetimes before."

Really tho? Did you ever take a bath in one of those previous lifetimes, KE dollar sign HA?

She goes on in some dumbass interview addressing her image as a "Party Girl."

"I have been working on realising this dream, my path, my mission, for years. I've really invested a lot of thought, time and effort into it. I think it's a bummer when people don't represent that properly, when they portray me as purely one-dimensional."

Sweetie, your wear a dead pussy around your neck. Get a fucking clue. Wash your ass. And make a song that doesn't sound like all your other songs and then maybe people will care.

Ciara's Pussy Poppin Video

Ciara premiered the video for her latest single, "Ride." Check it out:



I'm not impressed. Everyone is talking about how great the "choreography" is. All she is doing is poppin her pussy and spreading it across the floor. If she were to do the video over again I guarantee it wouldn't have the exact same "choreography" as before.

Yes, the bitch can dance. We know that. To me, she looked much better in the "Go Girl" video. Her body was better looking then. To me, she looks frail in this video.

But that's just MY humble ass opinion. I'm sure most of you bitches like it. So fuck my opinion.

Porn for the Soul

So a while back, when the TV show Glee first premiered, I was watching it with Deuce and he just saw this big GOOFY grin on my face. And he goes, "This is like PORN for you, isn't it?"

Flash forward....



Yes, people. They're making a Glee porno flick. And the above footage is by far some of the best renditions of the Star Spangled Banner since Whitney at the Super Bowl.

Nothing says Show Choir like a big orgy. Sometimes it takes a big dick to make you hit those high notes. These women need it. Except for homegirl singing the Mexican national anthem. She was pretty good.

Keri Hilson, eat your heart out!

I Can't...

So some dude was arrested and pled guilty for having sex with a donkey. Isn't that how AIDS came about? Or was it a monkey? I don't know. I don't care. If I was that donkey I would've fought back and fucked HIM in the ass.

How you like them apples?

Male Prostitute Quits

Well it looks like America's first legal male prostitute has quit his day job. Markus Destin has decided to resign from his post at the Shady Lady Ranch in rural Nevada due to a lack of customers....less than 10 customers...

The owners of the ranch, Jim and Bobbi Davis, have already hired a replacement, but hinted that Destin may return at some point. While their main focus (and moneymaker) is women who have sex with men, they have stated that they will pursue the idea of male prostitutes a little while longer.

Hmmmm....

In my opinion, there are a few reasons this business arrangement didnt' work out between Markus and the Shady Lady.

One, he expressed that he only wanted to have women clientelle and not have sex with men. I don't know of many women who would pay for sex. There are enough horny men out there for them to flash their pussies to and fuck for free. Unfortunately for Mr. Destin, he probably would have made more money if he was "gay for pay."

Two, this guy isn't what I would call "income worthy," meaning if I were to pay someone for sex, it wouldn't be him. Take a look at this:



His face looks retarded and his dick looks....unhealthy. Don't nobody want that wrinkly shit. I like a nice pretty penis...especially if I'm paying for it. Beggers can't be choosy, but you best believe I'd be getting my hard-earned money's worth.

Gimmie this guy:



DAMN!!!

Fuck the Red Cross

Let me preface this by saying I am truly sorry about what is going on in Haiti, and I will find other means of supporting them.

I recently received a letter from the American Red Cross asking me to send a monitary donation for whatever relief efforts they claimed to be supporting at the time or to stop by a local blood bank and donate blood. As a result, I Tweeted a comment about them that resulted in numerous dialogues between myself and virtual strangers....and also brought back a flood of memories that I had once forgotten.

It was the year 2000 and my first week as a College Freshman. I was away from my hometown of Detroit and exploring new horizons at my school in Orangeburg, South Carolina. I was an adult, independent, ready to take on the world. There was a Blood Drive on campus and I figured that I would do the responsible thing and donate some of my blood. I mean, as their slogan at the time said, the life that I save could be my own. :0)

The Blood drive was fairly busy, which I expected, and I waited patiently for my turn to donate. Of course there was a questionaire, which I have refered to since then as THE questionaire. Anywhoo, I fill out the questionaire and hand it to the lovely, seemingly nice lady on the other side of the table and mentally prepare myself for the sight of blood being pumped from my very own veins.

What happened next is probably the most embarassing and humiliating thing that has ever happened to me....EVER...

The lady looked at my questionaire...THE questionaire...like I had drawn Nazi symbols all over it. Then she told me, as cold-hearted as she possibly could, that I would not be able to give blood. Why? Because I am "a male who has had sex with another male since 1977, even once." Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, I'm a gay male, who has had sex with men, since 1977 (I was BORN in 1982). Then I was escorted out of the blood drive location because of fears that I would cause a scene. I would have. I was shocked, totally embarassed, and I wanted to cry.

The worst part about it is the fact that was no empathy whatsoever. There was no "I'm sorry, but unfortunately FDA guidelines...." No "I wish we could, but..." No nothing, but the impression of "You're gay, therefore you have AIDS, and we don't want your disease-ridden blood."

Flashforward to the other day, and the conversations that I had with these people whom I have never met. It was almost the same thing all over again, except they were a little nicer. But were still trying to justify the reasoning. I was told that people are prohibited from giving blood for sleeping with prostitutes and sharing needles. While that may be true, the fact of the matter is that as long as they refrain from that activity for i year before donating blood, then they're allowed to do so. So according to my calculations, a hetersexual male can have unprotected sex with a different female prostitute every day of his life and then share needles with 20 different people, and as long as he stops doing that for a year, then he can donate blood. But if I have protected sex with another HIV negative male, test negative every six months, and become abstinate for 10 years, I'm still prohibited from donating blood. Does that make sense? What sickens me the most is that it's been almost ten years after that incident, and 25 years after the archaic clause was placed on THE questionare, and nothing has changed. I've had this discussion with several of my gay friends. Some of them told me that they donated blood after lying on THE questionaire. Fuck that. I'm not lying on any form just so an organization who practices blatent institutionalized homophobia can suck the blood out of me....literally.

So fuck you, Red Cross. Take my name off your mailing list. You don't want my blood, therefore you don't get my money.

Rotten Condoms

Just in case you thought China was just good for lead-painted toys



Authorities have shut down a factory in central China that was producing fake and non sterile condoms and they are trying to track down over two million of the rotten condoms that have already been sold across the country. The peckerhead prophylactics were believed to be sold under numerous brands and police say that the suspect bought the condoms wholesale, then added an unknown lubricant and repackaged them WITHOUT sterilizing them.

And of course, there were underaged girls allegedly working at the factory.

This is a hot ass mess. China already stole all the Gold Medals in the Olympics and now they wanna kill off the population with dirty condoms. Why not just find a way to put the AIDS virus in their rice and call it a day?

Sorry Ya'll

I just realized I haven't blogged in a while.....sorry. Let's change that now.

Best News All Day

I must have been caught up in all the 9/11 anniversary blah blah blah because this lovely little dollop of a story flew right past me...

Apparantly, two men in Fort Smith, Arkansas have been arrested for playing porno DVDs on the display TVs at.....Walmart.

This is a damn shame. First there was the MILF in California who fucked her daughter's friends in the parking lot, and now this. What is Walmart coming to these days?

Remember way back when all they had to worry about was covering up their sweatshop operations. Now they can't even control their own rednecks in the US of A. How dreadful!

The Hell

So I was forced by Deuce to sit through the season premier of The Hills. Now I have avoided this show for five seasons, and its predacessor, Laguna Biotch, for a reason. That reason being I didn't want my eyes or eardrums to bleed. So it should come as no surprise that my opinion of the show is that it sucks balls. Big ones.

However, in every dark cloud, there is a silver lining: Kristin Cavallari.



She's a total bitch, and frankly I loved every second on her on-screen time. Everyone else, I wanted to shoot in the face. I mean....seriously....Heidi and Spencer are beyond annoying. Audrina and Stephanie are dumb cunts, and Brody is a douche. But Kristin is watchable. I think that MTV made a wise choice with bringing her into the mix, and I'm sure they're reaping the benefits in the form of skyrocketing ratings.

If I can manage to keep my dinner down next week, I MAY tune in again. However, Heidi's voice is enough to make me sell my dog for drug money so I'd be too high to pay attention anymore. Thank God Spencer doesn't want any kids.

It's on Bitch!

VMA Updates...by the minute

The 2009 MTV Video Music Awards are on tonight....which is ironic because MTV doesn't air music videos anymore. But regardless, I'm here to give all of my non-readers an up to the minute update of the hot messes on the red carpet and throughout the awards show. I would be tweeting....but I'm still fasting from that.

11:30 This is it....goodnight everybody!!!

11:28 Somebody needs to kick Lil Mama off the damn stage. Literally. Kick her.

11:25 You better work those sequined pants bitch!

11:22 I'm living for Alicia Keys on that damn piano. MTV's cinematography is awfully dramatic right now for this intro.

11:14 Beyaki wins "Video of the Year!" Very classy of her to let Taylor come out and give her acceptance speech. Lady Gaga is stealing my heart right now with all her different-ness.

11:02 I'm so scurred watching Pink's performance right now. Don't fall bitch!

10:59 Lady Gaga's acceptance speech was awesome!

10:58 Where is Sherri Shepard to keep Tracy Morgan in check?

10:51 Kid Cudi is performing on the reject stage. How dreadful!

10:49 Looks like Eminem is signing a contract to the the next MAC spokesmodel.

10:40 If Tracy Morgan really wants to win "Best New Artist," then he needs to record "Don't be Tardy for the Party!!!"

10:37 Damn....MTV couldn't give them the main stage to perform on. I don't know who this band is, but they're pretty good.

10:34 T.I. wins "Best Male Video." Don't drop the soap boo...

10:25 Beyonce just shut it down!!! Where my ring at?

10:20 Beyonce is bringing the drama with her on stage.

10:19 I think I wanna see the new Twilight movie....I guess I need to see the first one.

Kristen Stewart looks horrible with dark hair.

10:16 Pitbull must be drunk because he forgot the words to his chorus.

10:06 Green Day is performing....not my cup of red Kool-Aid, but they have the audience on their feet, which is better than last years yawn-fest that MTV put on.

10:05 Not feeling Megan Fox's outfit.

10:04 Congrats Brit...MTV still owes you BIG!

10:00 Lady Gaga is a FUCKING weirdo! LMFAO!!!!!

9:53 The bitch is dead, but her glowsticks live on!

9:51 She's got some serious Cameltoe goin on. But I like it!

9:49 Lady Gaga is giving me Phantom of the Opera Cunt Dramatics!

9:42 Taylor swift's "Subway" performance was totally fake and Green-Screened until she stepped outside. Were they just getting ready to roll tape again? Oops!

9:36 I could care less about the "Best Rock Video" award....I just hope there won't be another outbust from Kanye over who wins this one.

9:34 Ugh....I can't STAND Jack Black. What an unfunny bastard.

9:25 Kanye West is an ASSHOLE....but he was right.

9:24 Taylor Swift beats Beyonce? I'm changing the channel...

9:23 Cheesy dialogue...just hand out the damn trophy already!

9:14 I would hate to be Katy Perry right now, having to perform after that tribute. But her outfit is cute tho. Somebody tell me why Russell Brand is hosting again...

9:13 Janet just KILLED it!!!

9:07 Long live the KING!!!

9:05 I am LOVING this bitch's speech right now...

9:00 Awww....look at Madge. She looks pretty for a old tranny. Did she just throw shade at Joe Jackson?

Showtime!!!!

8:58 Award is presented for Best Video that Sucked the first time it was nominated....to the Beastie Boys for Sabotage.

8:56 Who are you?

8:55 Queen Creole has arrived. Excuse me...you're in my way!

8:51 J.Lo looks amazing! Love the dress! You better plug that album girl...

8:48 Bitch you are late. I knew they had on the same dress as soon as Pink stepped on the scene.

8:46 This girl is cute....but in the words of Mariah Carey, "I don't know who that is."

8:40 MTV shows it's first music video since 2008.

8:39 The cast of Fame hit the red carpet. I can't wait for the movie, but they look a hot mess.

8:38 Cobra Starship? arrives on the red carpet via Grey Line tour bus. Classy.

I wish Whitney would show up. But that's asking a little too much from her right now. Oh well. I have Oprah tomorrow...

8:31 Alicia Keys looks beautiful. It's refreshing to see a well spoken black person on TV besides the President. Her speaking voice relaxes me. She should record a book on tape.

8:29 Dirty Water...I mean Dirty Money just hit the red carpet. I think I officially hate Diddy. I wonder if Dawn is getting a check yet.

8:28 Only on Verizon can you record such a shitty video. Can you hear me now?

8:26 Does Taylor Swift think she's Cinderella or something?

8:22 Those kids were cute with their routine. That disaster interviewing them, however, was not.

8:19 Who is this old guy?

8:17 Some little boy hits the red carpet. I don't know who he is. But he's wearing a Calvin Klein suit, fresh off the rack at Marshalls.

8:14 Lady Gaga hits the red carpet with Kermit the Frog as her date. You didn't hear? They're fucking now. Ms. Piggy must've put her in that neck brace, feathers and all.

8:11 Pink shows up...wearing the same dress as Shakira. Oops!

Let's Go Streaking in Antarctica!

So Deuce and I went to go see the new Kate Beckinsale movie, "Whiteout" today. Overall, it was a pretty good movie, but one of the first things that stood out for me in the movie had little to do with the plot whatsoever.

In the first few minutes of the film, it shows the outside of the base where most of the movie takes place and as Kate's character is walking into the building, there is a group of guys running out of the building nude. They were streaking. In Antarctica.

Kinda puts a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Cold as balls" huh?

Regardless, once a saw the frozen dicks go by, I immediately thought, "I wanna do that!!!" So now, there is one more impossible goal on my list of things to accomplish before I'm dead. I will go streaking in Antarctica...

Who's with me?

Shoutout to the Virgos

Happy Belated Birthday Mom!!!!!

You must be happy to live long enough to see your kids grown up, especially to see your first born son become the man you always wanted him to be....



Then again, just be grateful that I'm not on drugs, can take care of myself, and don't have any crazy baby mama's banging on your door. Love you mommie!